I started my period in the wee hours of last night, and have had ridiculous cramps ever since.
Isn't it just hilarious that my body, who, heretofore always acted oblivious of the appropriate time to begin bleeding, suddenly THIS time decided to do it right on time?
I've been up since about 3am. Had a long hiccup-y cry with R when he woke up at 5:15.
Mostly I just feel so foolish for being so hopeful and fantasizing for these (almost) two weeks about how wonderful it was going to be, telling R we had finally done it, it was finally our time, calling my mom to tell her, celebrating Mother's Day this year, how and when we'd tell the rest of our family and friends when the time was right, etc., etc.
65 consecutive days of shots for nothing. God only knows how many monitoring appointments and blood draws and fighting traffic to get the RE's office and being late to work for nothing. A week's worth of laying in bed with OHSS pain for nothing.
My body has made a fool of me once again.
Not sure what we're going to do next.
About Me
- K
- Northern VA, United States
- I'm a 39 year old Virginia girl who married the man (40) of her dreams a little over 5 years ago. For the last 5 years we've tried, unsuccessfully, to start our family. From October 2004 through July 2009 we tried 2 IUI cycles and one IVF cycle with no success. We finally got pregnant with an IUI cycle in August of 2009, but sadly that pregnancy ended in miscarriage in September. Another two failed IUIs in the fall/winter of 2009, and now, in 2010, we're trying one more IVF cycle. We are praying for success!
Mega Blog Lists
My Blog List
- A Little Pregnant
- Apron Strings
- Baby Blues
- BigP and Me
- Cats in the Cradle
- Changing Expectations
- Cyclesista
- Dinner Table Talk...I Think Not
- Do it to me one more time
- Egged Out
- Exile in Kidville
- In Search of a Baby Ug
- In Search of Morning Sickness
- Infertility Diary
- It Could Take 3 Months
- Keeping the Faith
- My Dear Watson
- Nearlydawn...nearlypregnant...nearlyoutofsteam
- Over My Ovaries.....and on with my life
- Quiet Sanctuary
- Serenity Now
- Southern Infertility
- Stirrup Queens and Sperm Palace Jesters
- StorkFiles
- The Epi Blog/Inconceivable Journey
- The Impatient Patient
- The Mama Wannabe
- The Opposite of Knocked Up
- The Unlucky 20 Percent
- The Vicious Cycle of Cycles
- This is not what I ordered
- When Will You Have Kids?
17 comments:
I'm so sorry that this happened to you. You had every reason to hope and I think you still have plenty of reasons to be hopeful. Your ovaries responded, which means that you can make eggs, which likely means that you can get pregnant. I know not everyone wants to know their odds per cycle, but as you may know,the average rate of success with IUI is only about 20% per cycle. That means that not getting pregnant this cycle is no indication that this won't work in the future.
I am SO SO SO sorry. You have been on the most terrifying rollercoaster. Give yourself time to grieve and be angry, and make sure that you do something nice for yourself!!
I agree with Jeanie that there is a chance. She is right about the odds. And now that your ovaries will respond, there's a chance for another cycle, right?
Again, I am so so so sorry!! I was really hoping for you.
Oh, K, I'm so, so sorry.
I'm very, very sorry. After all you've been through, I can't imagine how disappointed you must be.
Now here's my assvice: I think you need to go directly to IVF (after taking time to heal, of course) and not pass go. You mentioned talking to your RE about IVF before. You shouldn't have to suffer through all this if you can harvest all the eggs at once.
K,
I've been following your posts for a few weeks and hoping for the best for you. I had my first IUI 2 days before you. Mine also failed and I found out Tuesday. I'm sorry for both of us. I'm trying to be optimistic for both of us with this new cycle even though I know the crushing disappointment, Mothers' day and all. Last year I was pregnant on Mother's day and SO happy, until I miscarried at 9 weeks. I have optimism for you because now that you & your RE know the levels required to wake your ovaries up, it shouldn't take 65 days this time. Maybe we'll both get lucky and get pregnant ON Mother's Day this year.
I'll hope for it if you will.
k, I am so very sorry.
I often feel that by body is mocking me. You are not alone.
I'm sorry. You're journey has been so traumatic. Right now, it sounds like you need to take the time to feel sad about the loss in this difficult cycle. Then you can figure out what to do next.
K, I am so so sorry. Even as bad as I've felt, I've obsessively been checking your blog and was so hopeful that your dream would come true this time. Please let me know if there is anything I can do to support you.
K,
Jim brought your blog to my attention.
I ache for you and R.. Really I do. So many of my friends are struggling with this same heartbreak. Makes me so sad. I will remain hopeful and believe when you can't. Please know I'm praying that you will find a way to make sense of this time in your life and have wisdom to know what the next step should be.
Kelly
I am so, so sorry.
After everything you've been through, I was so hoping that this was it.
Please know you're in my thoughts.
xoxo
That sucks, K. I'm so sorry.
Never lose hope!
It took me 6 years to get the family I always dreamed of and trust me when I say that it is worth every bit of the heartache and pain you are experiencing. If anything, this journey will make you appreciate your children and the role of MOMMY that much more, regardless of whether you bear them yourself or adopt.
I'm sorry that the journey has to be so difficult and I'll keep you in my prayers.
I am so very sorry.... x
we've all been there, foolish and hopeful! Sorry this one wasn't the one for you!
Big sympathetic hugs to you.
X
I'm so sorry. There's nothing I could say that would make it better but know that I'm just here. Been there too. Hang in there.
Hugs.
I am so sorry to hear that the result of ALL THOSE DAYS of stims and then the painful egg retrieval and OHSS ended in a BFN. Your pain has got to be heartwrenching right now.
I really am glad your ovaries responded, I am hoping maybe if you choose to do this again, you won't have to stim for so long. Are you already over the insurance cap for the drugs? I think you'd be an excellent candidate for IVF. Imagine how many embryos all those eggs could make?
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