Thursday, May 3, 2007

It's a bust.

I started my period in the wee hours of last night, and have had ridiculous cramps ever since.

Isn't it just hilarious that my body, who, heretofore always acted oblivious of the appropriate time to begin bleeding, suddenly THIS time decided to do it right on time?

I've been up since about 3am. Had a long hiccup-y cry with R when he woke up at 5:15.

Mostly I just feel so foolish for being so hopeful and fantasizing for these (almost) two weeks about how wonderful it was going to be, telling R we had finally done it, it was finally our time, calling my mom to tell her, celebrating Mother's Day this year, how and when we'd tell the rest of our family and friends when the time was right, etc., etc.

65 consecutive days of shots for nothing. God only knows how many monitoring appointments and blood draws and fighting traffic to get the RE's office and being late to work for nothing. A week's worth of laying in bed with OHSS pain for nothing.

My body has made a fool of me once again.

Not sure what we're going to do next.

17 comments:

jeanie said...

I'm so sorry that this happened to you. You had every reason to hope and I think you still have plenty of reasons to be hopeful. Your ovaries responded, which means that you can make eggs, which likely means that you can get pregnant. I know not everyone wants to know their odds per cycle, but as you may know,the average rate of success with IUI is only about 20% per cycle. That means that not getting pregnant this cycle is no indication that this won't work in the future.

LIW (Lady In Waiting) said...

I am SO SO SO sorry. You have been on the most terrifying rollercoaster. Give yourself time to grieve and be angry, and make sure that you do something nice for yourself!!

I agree with Jeanie that there is a chance. She is right about the odds. And now that your ovaries will respond, there's a chance for another cycle, right?

Again, I am so so so sorry!! I was really hoping for you.

carrie said...

Oh, K, I'm so, so sorry.

Ann said...

I'm very, very sorry. After all you've been through, I can't imagine how disappointed you must be.

Now here's my assvice: I think you need to go directly to IVF (after taking time to heal, of course) and not pass go. You mentioned talking to your RE about IVF before. You shouldn't have to suffer through all this if you can harvest all the eggs at once.

carafri said...

K,
I've been following your posts for a few weeks and hoping for the best for you. I had my first IUI 2 days before you. Mine also failed and I found out Tuesday. I'm sorry for both of us. I'm trying to be optimistic for both of us with this new cycle even though I know the crushing disappointment, Mothers' day and all. Last year I was pregnant on Mother's day and SO happy, until I miscarried at 9 weeks. I have optimism for you because now that you & your RE know the levels required to wake your ovaries up, it shouldn't take 65 days this time. Maybe we'll both get lucky and get pregnant ON Mother's Day this year.
I'll hope for it if you will.

ms. c said...

k, I am so very sorry.
I often feel that by body is mocking me. You are not alone.

Samantha said...

I'm sorry. You're journey has been so traumatic. Right now, it sounds like you need to take the time to feel sad about the loss in this difficult cycle. Then you can figure out what to do next.

Kellie with an "ie" said...

K, I am so so sorry. Even as bad as I've felt, I've obsessively been checking your blog and was so hopeful that your dream would come true this time. Please let me know if there is anything I can do to support you.

Unknown said...

K,
Jim brought your blog to my attention.
I ache for you and R.. Really I do. So many of my friends are struggling with this same heartbreak. Makes me so sad. I will remain hopeful and believe when you can't. Please know I'm praying that you will find a way to make sense of this time in your life and have wisdom to know what the next step should be.
Kelly

Watson said...

I am so, so sorry.

After everything you've been through, I was so hoping that this was it.

Please know you're in my thoughts.

xoxo

Melissa said...

That sucks, K. I'm so sorry.

Mommy_of_3 said...

Never lose hope!

It took me 6 years to get the family I always dreamed of and trust me when I say that it is worth every bit of the heartache and pain you are experiencing. If anything, this journey will make you appreciate your children and the role of MOMMY that much more, regardless of whether you bear them yourself or adopt.

I'm sorry that the journey has to be so difficult and I'll keep you in my prayers.

M said...

I am so very sorry.... x

Anonymous said...

we've all been there, foolish and hopeful! Sorry this one wasn't the one for you!

Big sympathetic hugs to you.

X

Baby Blues said...

I'm so sorry. There's nothing I could say that would make it better but know that I'm just here. Been there too. Hang in there.

Hugs.

Denise said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
In Search of Morning Sickness said...

I am so sorry to hear that the result of ALL THOSE DAYS of stims and then the painful egg retrieval and OHSS ended in a BFN. Your pain has got to be heartwrenching right now.

I really am glad your ovaries responded, I am hoping maybe if you choose to do this again, you won't have to stim for so long. Are you already over the insurance cap for the drugs? I think you'd be an excellent candidate for IVF. Imagine how many embryos all those eggs could make?