Friday, March 19, 2010

IVF #2, Negative

Just got the call: officially not pregnant. Again. I'm so angry I don't know what to do. I had such hope for this cycle....everything went so well, the embryos were so healthy and strong. I really thought this was going to be our time, after almost 6 years I really thought we would finally be parents. I just do not understand why my body keeps failing at something that is so natural and easy for so many others.

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

IVF #2, Transfer

Our transfer was on Sunday, and it went very well. Dr. G called me on Sunday morning to give me the report on the health of our embryos: my clinic uses a grading system where Grade 1 - AA is the highest grade. Dr. G explained that grade 1-AA embryos are very, very rare. He told me that we had one grade 1 - AB blastocyst, and one grade 1 -BB blastocyst that were both looking spectacular, AND 2 more blastocyst stage embryos that were not far behind and looked really, really good, AND 2 more embryos that were ALMOST at the blastocyst stage and still thriving.

We agreed that since I'm 39, and this is probably our last hurrah, we would transfer 3 blasts instead of just 2. Dr. G said he felt in my situation the danger of becoming pregnant with triplets was only about 5%, and the chance of twins is about 30%.

So, we transferred the two grade 1 blasts and one of the other blastocysts. The transfer was much more comfortable this time around because I didn't drink so much water! It was so very painful for me the first time we did IVF, so I decided not to drink as much water as they recommended this time around, and it worked out much better. I've always thought I had a small bladder, and apparently I'm right, as it certainly didn't take 32 oz. to fill mine up. I drank maybe 16 oz of water before the transfer, and the doctor said my bladder was "perfectly full" and really helped to visualize everything via ultrasound.

The other new thing this time around is that the embryologist came back into the room while I was "resting" for the required 5 minutes afterward, and handed us a framed photo of our beautiful embryos. This of course, made me cry even harder than I already was. I have done nothing but stare at the picture since we got home on Sunday. I think it must help to sort of visualize them in there, making a happy home....

I just this minute got a call from my nurse, informing me that as of today, we have TWO frozen embryos!! I'm so surprised, and so excited! The doctor told us on Sunday that they would watch the remaining three of our embryos that we didn't transfer, for the next two days in the lab, to see if they would continue thriving, and that if they were robust enough by day 7, they would freeze them. But, she said it was only a 50/50 chance that they would make it. So, I'm so pleasantly surprised to learn that TWO of them made it!! I'm so proud of them!!

Anyway, I'm only in the very beginning of the two-week-wait, and I already feel like time is just draaaagggginng on. The 2ww always feels like torture to me. Nothing left to do but pray, each and every day.

Friday, March 5, 2010

IVF #2, Day 3 after retrieval

Working from home today, and just got off of a conference call and received an update from much beloved Dr. G. via voicemail: "K, just wanted to call and see how you're feeling, and to let you know that your embryos are looking WONDERFUL. Of the 11, all are still thriving, and 10 of them are considered grade 1 (1 being the best grade), and the other one is not far behind. I'll call tomorrow to check on you and give you another update. Things are definitely looking good this time!"

In our first IVF, we only had one embryo that was considered grade 1. So, I know that having many high-grade embryos is not by any means a guarantee of success, but any way you look at it, this is good news and a reason to smile all day long today.

Frighteningly, hope is alive and well at this point, although something inside of me, even still, is bracing for the inevitable crash.

Thursday, March 4, 2010

2010, and IVF #2

On January 15, 2010, we found out that our 4th IUI had failed, and after consulting with Dr. G, we decided to do ONE more round of IVF. Financially, it only makes sense that this is our last IVF attempt. It is SO expensive, and we're getting excited about pursuing adoption, but we can't afford to do both at the same time! We decided that if this last round of IVF doesn't work, we will close the door on this phase of our lives. For 5 years we've been chasing the dream of becoming parents through biological means, and it just feels like we've done everything we possibly could have done, to that end. It feels like the right time to bring the physical treatment phase to closure. Although I know I will be devastated if this doesn't work.....there's a part of me that feels good about being able to say - never again - to the appointments, the injections, the rearrangement of work schedules and vacations and holidays to accommodate treatment, to the up and down roller coaster of wondering each time if we'll get lucky, etc. I know that adoption is going to present MANY challenges, but at least we can put the past 5 year's worth of treatment oriented challenges behind us, finally.

I thought it would be interesting to chronicle the last 5 years in a succinct list:

October 2004 - Married! Me -33, R - 35

October 2004 - May 2006 - TTC the old fashioned way. Me - 33 to 35, R - 35 to 36

July 2006 - September 2006 - Clomid/timed intercourse cycles - No response from ovaries. Me - 35, R - 37

January 2007 - April 2007 - IUI#1 - BFN (longest stim cycle on record at Fertility Clinic #1 - 65 consecutive days of FSH injections) Me - 36, R - 37

July 2007 - August 2007 - IVF#1 - BFN (Moved to Fertility Clinic #2 and much beloved Dr. G. Best decision ever!) Me - 36, R - 38

September 2007 - May 2009 - BREAK (Gall bladder surgery, major house repairs - impact on budget, lost almost 100 pounds...) Me - 36 to 38, R - 38 to 39

July 2009 - IUI#2 - BFN. Me - 38, R - 40

August 2009 - IUI#3 - BFP! Me - 38, R - 40

September 2009 - Miscarriage (Non-doubling HGG numbers in early pregnancy, presumed ectopic, given methotrexate injections to induce miscarriage) Me - 38, R - 40

November 2009 - IUI#4 - BFN. Me - 39, R - 40

January 2009 - IUI#5 - BFN. Me - 39, R - 40

March 2010 - IVF#2 - ????????? Me - 39, R - 40

Wow, that all looks very tidy and speedy, laid out like that in a list. But it feels like an absolute LIFETIME since those first Clomid cycles at my OB/GYN's office. Oh, how naive I was back then!! And so very impatient!

So, here we are at the tail end of IVF #2. 14 eggs retrieved on Tuesday. Of the 14, 11 of them were mature and all fertilized. As of today, Day #2 after retrieval, all 11 embryos still thriving. Hurray!

We'll wait now to see how may make it blastocyst stage - Day 5 transfer is scheduled for this weekend on Sunday, and after that, it's all over but the cryin'.

All we can do now is pray!