Monday, February 26, 2007

Surpise! More shots...

Hey y'all, since I know you've been up nights, wondering what happened at my last monitoring appointment, I thought I should finally get around to posting something...

But first, I wanted to respond to some of your MUCH appreciated comments. (I'm such a DORK, I get all tingly when I see a new comment has been posted, a la Sally Field's "You like me, you really, really like me...")

Anyway, let's see: Yes, Faith, unfortunately I am on the Metformin. Well, I suppose I shouldn't say unfortunately because I wasn't even having periods on my own before getting on the dang stuff. But my complaint is that after being on it for almost a year, I still get infrequent bouts of Montezuma's revenge in the stomach department (oh who am I kidding, in the BOWEL department). It's so strange because it doesn't seem to correlate to anything in particular in terms of what I've eaten. It's like every once in a while the Met wants to just ever-so-subtlely (not) remind me that it's still in my system, doin' it's thang. It pisses me off though, bc I can never tell when it's going to hit me like a ton of bricks. Or prunes, as it were.

And, yes, Baby Blues, my husband is indeed Filipino, and was indeed wearing a Barong in our wedding ceremony, as were all our groomsmen! And I'm an idiot, bc when I read your post I wondered, "how'd she know what a barong is?"...and then I bothered to pay attention to your blog where I could have clearly seen "Philippines" listed in your location!! DUH. R's family is from Quezon City (mother's side) and Bataan (father's side). R was born in Manila, but came to the US when he was 9 mos old. He still has lots and lots of family who still live in the PI, and of his (enormous) family who live here in the DC area, it seems one or more of them are always traveling back there. R hasn't been back since 2002 when his Lolo passed away. I'd really like for us to visit there together soon, but of course, it's difficult to plan it, what with all the uncertainty of IF, and, well you know...

And finally, Ms. C, as to my meds for this cycle: For exactly 13 days I was on one injection of 75 IU's of Bravelle nightly. Now, I'm on 4 more days of a dose and a half of Bravelle, which I guess would be 112.5 IUs each night.

Which brings me to the very anti-climactic update I owe you on this, the longest IUI cycle on earth: I went in at the freakin' crack of dawn this past Sunday for another monitoring appointment. And by the way, don't you love weekend mornings at the RE's office, when aaaaalll the husbands come out to play? From the looks on their faces, I know most of those men get coaxed there the same way R does, with the promise of weekend breakfast with all the cholesterol and nitrate ridden breakfast meats he can eat, afterwards. Woo hoo! Me? I'll have an egg white omelette and wheat toast, and a side of baconsausagecornedbeefhashandscrapple, please. And coffee with Splenda.

Anyway, so, no big surprise. I still have "lots of eggs", but my ovaries still look "very quiet." Argh. Dr. D commented that us PCOS'ers must "walk the knife edge" when it comes to meds. One false move with just a little too much FSH, and it could be disaster. And really, I think I would just step out into traffic if, after all this, I produced a dozen eggs and then had to just sit by and let them go to waste. For someone who hasn't ovulated in over 2 years, this would just be torture.

So, my updated protocol, as I mentioned above, is to take a dose and a half of the Bravelle for 4 more nights, and then it's back for another wanding session on Thursday morning. Which will be my 18th day of shots, not that I'm counting or anything.

Peace out, homies. Happy end of February, and shit.

- K

Wednesday, February 21, 2007

No news is good news?

Weeeeell peeps, nothing earth shattering to report from this morning's monitoring appointment. Basically, the old ovaries are taking their sweet-ass time, blast them. The nurse said I had "tons of eggs", but that things were still looking "pretty quiet." Harumph. That means 4 more days of shots at the same miniscule dose, lest all those eggs ripen at once and give us the potential for having a litter.

I go back on Sunday morning for the next monitoring appointment. Until then, it's pincushion city.

Did I mention that at the beginning of this cycle Dr. D warned me that some lucky ladies with PCOS must endure 2 to 3 months of daily shots before they are ready to trigger? Yes, that's right, I said 2 to 3 MONTHS, not weeks. Good God! He explained that PCOS sufferers tend to not respond, not respond, not respond to the drugs, and then suddenly...OVER respond with little warning. Therefore, we must go veeeery, veeeeery slowly. Fabulous. Just what I wanted to hear! Newman.

Monday, February 19, 2007

No big deal

It's funny how I went through all this build up and hype when I was waiting to start injections, and the first few nights I felt like it was this HUGE production. I'd go into the bathroom a full 15 minutes before the time I was supposed to take the shot, compulsively scrub my hands with anti-bacterial soap, swab the entire surface of the vanity with copious amounts of rubbing alchohol, lay out the syringe, needle, Q*cap contraption, vials of meds, etc. in very orderly fashion, consult the printed instructions (with pictures!) 86 times before beginning the process, etc., etc. It all seemed so intimidating and laborious.

Fast forward one DH and I go out to eat quite frequently (TOO frequently), and for the past two nights I've tossed my meds and needles in an insulated lunch bag, and shot-up in the ladies room of various restaurants! I decided that I couldn't be prisoner to the have-to-be-home-at-10pm-to-take-my-shot situation, and that the shots were just going to have to fit into our social calendar!

Now my little painless shot seems like such a non-event! Especially after talking to a fellow infertile friend at dinner last night, who described her last IVF protocol which had her taking shots at 5 different times during the day, including those painful intra-muscular ones. UGH! My measly little Bravelle shot pales in comparison to that.

Funny, how your perspective can change so quickly.



Sunday, February 18, 2007

Finally, an outlet!

Finally an outlet for this insatiable need that I have to talk, think, eat, breathe, sleep, and dream about our never-ending quest to have a baby! I'm so glad I started this blog tonight, and you know what? I think this will be soooo helpful and therapeutic for me even if not one single soul reads it but me!

So, here's a somewhat short version of our TTC history: we've been trying for a total of 2 years and 5 months now. I have PCOS, and to my knowledge, have not ovulated in over 2 years. My husband is a total stud and has super sperm. We've done 4 rounds of Clomid in total, 3 with my OB/GYN, and the last one with my RE. In all cases, the Clomid had absolutely zippo effect on my stubborn ovaries. The last round of Clomid we did with my RE back in September of last year ('06) was supposed to be our first IUI cycle, but it was canceled due to my lack of response to the Clomid. Then, in November, I had gall bladder surgery, and spent most of December recovering from that. So, we started afresh in January, and I begged my RE to let us 'graduate' to injectible medication. Please, for the love of God, NO MORE CLOMID! He readily consented, and so here I am, on CD 8, having just taken my 7th injection of Bravelle.

Hurray for injections! Who on earth would ever have thought that I'd be so delighted to receive a box of needles and medicine in the mail last week? You would have thought it was Christmas morning, the way I danced around. Hurray! I get to inject myself on a daily basis! Alriiiight, let the party begin!!

I'm THRILLED to be taking action, I guess that's the main thing. I feel like we've been treading water for so long, always having setback and postponement after postponement. In 2 and a half years I've only been through 5 medicated cycles in all - because all along the way, I'd have to stop because the lining of my uterus was too thick, or because my polycystic ovaries needed a break, or for myriad other reasons. The worst is being put on BCPs for a couple of months to rest my ovaries.....there is just something about taking BCPs when you've been desperately trying to conceive for what feels like centuries, that makes you want to fling yourself into traffic at the next opportunity. Ugh!!

I always explain to my DH that for me, instant-gratification-girl that I am, the hurry-up-and-wait factor of infertility treatment is truly torture. You know, if you were being treated for any other sort of condition or ailment, your doctor would prescribe a drug or a treatment, you'd zip over to the pharmacy on your way home from her office, you'd take said drug, and immediately you'd know whether that drug had the desired effect. If it worked, fabulous - whichever ailing body part in question would be back in business. If not, back to the doctor the next day, or the day after, and she'd prescribe something else. Zip to the pharmacy again, give it a whirl, back to the doctor soon after if the condition persists. By the end of two weeks, you'd have gone through 10 drugs, if necessary, but you'd likely have come out of it with a winner. You'd at least know what the course of treatment would be, and you'd likely be all patched up within a month at the latest. But, in the lovely world of infertility, it seems everything happens in monthly increments. Try a treatment in January...if it doesn't work, well, you've got to sit and marinate in those discouraging thoughts until February (if you're lucky), which is your next available opportunity to go back to the good old drawing board to try something else. It's slow torture, I tell you! Meanwhile, and I know my fellow infertile myrtle sistahs can relate to this, every single stinking friend I've ever had since kindergarten is either pregnant or has just given birth. Everywhere I look, babies and pregnant bellies abound. Aaaahhh!! Calgon, take me away!

Anyway, on this, my first IUI cycle, I took 5 injections of Bravelle and went for monitoring yesterday (Saturday, 2/17) morning at the crack of dawn. Never have I been so eager to jump out of bed on a Saturday morning. During the oh-so-popular wanding session, my RE says, "Weeeelll, look at all of those eggs in there!" Me, "REALLY????" Mind you, in 2 years I've never produced so much as ONE egg, so this is miraculous, as far as I'm concerned. My RE, "Yes, but we can't possibly let all of these'd end up with...." Me, chiming in, "A litter?" My RE, "Yes, exactly. That's EXACTLY what we don't want. So, we'll need to continue to be extremely careful with you, and keep you on a really low dose of Bravelle for the next few days..." Meanwhile, I can't stop smiling because he said there were EGGS in there! For the first time! Ever! The only thing I've ever seen on those confounded sonogram pictures are the damned cysts that grow on my uncooperative ovaries each month. So, EGGS! Hurray! Go ovaries, go! 2-4-6-8, who do I appreciate? My ovaries, my ovaries, GO OVARIES!

4 more nightly injections of Bravelle, and then another date with the ultra sound wand early on Wednesday morning. I'm crossing all fingers and toes that things have progressed and we'll be able to schedule the IUI at that point. The suspense is killing me here, people. Although, I suspect the 2WW will be loads worse. I've never actually been in the 2WW before, (thank you damned un-functioning ovaries), so it will be a new kind of torture for me, I'm sure. Stay tuned, if you dare!!!!! (and thanks, dear reader, if you have made it through this ridiculously loooooong post...)