Negative

As expected. Still didn't make the news any easier to hear.

I feel like an empty shell. Metaphorically, emotionally, physically.....My heart feels permanently broken. But I know it isn't.

And in spite of being just SO fucking sick and tired of all of this shit, all I really want to focus on is trying again. I don't want to hear - oh you should just take some time and grieve and think and reflect, blah, blah, blah. No, I'm all out of patience. I'm all done with taking breaks and wasting precious time. I'll be 37 in 3 months. I want to start another cycle now. Today. This very instant! That's the only thing that would make me feel any better. Plowing ahead.

So you can imagine how I wanted to leap through the phone and strangle the receptionist when she told me in a semi-snotty tone that the earliest I could get in to see Dr. G to talk about what went wrong and what we can do next is August 31. There's no WAY I'm waiting an entire month. I emailed my nurse and begged her to cram me into Dr. G's schedule anywhere she could. I would meet him in the parking lot, call him on his cell phone while he's sitting in beltway traffic, meet him at 6am,9pm, the middle of the flippin' night, whatever it takes, just get me an appointment sooner than a month away!

I thought I had prepared myself and all I would feel today is more anger, more bitterness. Interestingly, I mostly feel sad and sorry for myself right now. Not angry, so much. More pitifully disappointed. I bet more of the lovely rage I've been experiencing will be back tomorrow though.

I also don't feel like "talking this out" with any of my best friends like I usually do. The only person I want to talk to is R, and he won't be home from work for another couple of hours.

What is there to say anyway? This sucks. That about sums it up.