So I woke up today feeling much better than I have in a week. And I was so thankful and happy to not be in pain! Until about halfway through the day when I remembered that they said IF I were to get pregnant I would probably feel worse before I got better. AAAhhhhhh! Of course a part of me is telling myself this means I probably didn't manage to get knocked up, on this, our one and only legitimate try. But, I'm trying REALLY hard to think positive and will my way into a positive result at the end of this 2WW from hell. I'm banishing all negative thoughts each time they creep into my brain. Which happens about 46 times an hour.
But anyway, let me tell you about my visit to the Scary Radiology Lab with Dr. Doom-n-Gloom on Friday. Dear Lord in Heaven, did this guy scare the crap outta me - cripes!! The ultra high tech ultrasound was actually pretty cool - it not only showed the normal black and white Rorschach images as the ultrasound at the RE's office, but it also could show, via different colors, blood flow, fluid movement, etc. Also the quality of the black and white Rorschach blobs was like the difference between regular and HD TV broadcasts. You could like, see the PORES on my ovaries faces! Har har.
Anyway, so here's the list of observations Dr. Doom rattled off to me after prodding me with the wand for what seemed like HOURS: "Your ovaries are three times their normal size, the lining of your uterus is twice as thick as it should be, you had at least 3 or 4 ovarian cysts which have ruptured within the last 48 hours and are now leaking fluid into your abdominal cavity - likely the reason for most of your acute pain, there is decreased blood flow to both of your ovaries, and many different hemorrhagic cysts remain on your ovaries which contain blood and other debris and they may or may not rupture in the near future. Also, there is no absolute certain way to diagnose ovarian torsion, it's extremely difficult, even with high-res ultrasound. Your ovaries are both symmetrical, so that might indicate that neither have twisted, as it would be highly unlikely for both to have twisted in the exact same way. However, having said that, since they are so enlarged, I would have to say that you are at very high risk for ovarian torsion. I'm going to go call your doctor and he'll have to decide whether or not you need surgery...."
He did call Dr. D, and then patched him thru to me once I was back out in the waiting room, and as soon as I answered the phone Dr. D said, "Well hi there kid, sounds like everything is looking really good!" Um....wha??? I told him the other doctor had scared the shit out of me. He said he figured as much, and that's why he wanted to talk to me directly. He said he thought it was great that I had blood flow to both ovaries, and that DUH, of COURSE it will be decreased if they are that enlarged, which we already knew. As for the rest, he said, well, yeah, we knew you were hyper stimulated, and those are all things we expect to come along with that. He basically said what he's been saying all along, which is that he knows it sucks, but there's nothing really to be done but to grin and bear it and suck down a Percoset every now and again when the going gets really rough.
So, I went home and crawled back into bed. Then on Saturday, I had another pity party when I woke up feeling even more pain that I had on Friday. Then, miraculously, I woke up today feeling almost human again. Back to the way I felt just after the IUI actually, where I felt full and uncomfortable - but only in pain when I walked too quickly or laughed too hard or sneezed or something. Oh LORD, oh Lord, I hope this isn't a bad sign, because, remember they said that IF I got pregnant that I would.......... Oh! Right! I'm not supposed to be thinking that! Nope, no negativity! Only happy shiny sugary sweet thoughts! Happy thoughts! Happy thoughts!! I AM going to be pregnant, I AM going to be pregnant, I think I can (get knocked up), I think I can (get knocked up)...Chooo chooo!!
By the way, this 2WW thing really bites!! 1 week down, 1 to go......
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4 comments:
I think that IF teaches us that anything is possible, though that's the angle that is nearly impossible to focus on when consistently surrounded by disappointment.
So, my fingers are crossed for you. Couldn't feeling better mean that your ovaries are shrinking back to normal AND you are pregnant? It might not be the most likely scenario but it doesn't mean that it couldn't happen, right?
I would choose to see it as it DID get worse before it got better. Right? It was worse and worse and worse, and now it's better. I am thinking many many hopeful thoughts for you - and I agree with LIW - ANYTHING is possible.
I'm glad you're feeling better. Weird how our OHSS experiences have been so different. What a freaky ultrasound! I've never had one like that.
I wouldn't worry about your symptoms indicating you are or aren't pregnant yet. Your symptoms would be caused by the HCG shot, which by now should be exiting your system, but it's too early for HCG from pregnancy to be rising, so your symptoms should be clearing up. If you are pregnant, they might come back with rising HCG, or you may have reacted all you're going to react. Good luck with the next week of the wait!
JEEZUS!
That sounds soooo scary!
But I'm glad you're feeling better. And keep up the positive thoughts (as best you can, I know it's hard...)
xoxo
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