Is it time to pee on a stick yet??

So, I had my first IUI on Sunday morning! It was quite exciting! Actually, the IUI part was rather anti-climactic, if you ask me. Especially given how much of a pain and a production the follicle reduction was. Apparently, a follicle reduction in an IUI cycle is the exact same thing as an egg retrieval in an IVF cycle - except, in an IVF cycle, they keep the eggs, in a follicle reduction, they don't. Who knew? Not me. I thought the nurse was going a bit overboard when she called in a prescription for me for valium, and told me to take it 15 minutes before my appointment time.

Before I go any further I should probably warn you: if you are a first time IVFer, or are like my good friend Kellie who hates the idea of surgery/procedures, etc., or if you just don't want to hear about painful stuff, (then why are you reading an infertility blog, hardy har har) then you should probably just skip the next paragraph...

Yeah, so I was totally, TOTALLY unprepared for the pain involved in the follicle reduction procedure. When they told me that I would be sedated for the procedure, I thought that meant I'd be out. As in, OUT. Asleep. NOT awake or aware. Um, yeaaaah...not so much. When the nurse had me all prepped in the "procedure room"(not quite an OR, but neither as casual as an exam room), IV inserted, good drugs dripping into my arm making me feel like I'd had 6 vodka tonics on an empty stomach, oxygen mask over my nose, legs akimbo resting on weird bent-knee-holders instead of stirrups, (and I should have been really nervous when she TAPED my legs to the leg holder thingys) and the cast of doctors and nurses gowned and masked and gloved and ready to go.....all of sudden I thought - hey, I'm not asleep! I'm still aware! I feel like I'm completely bombed out of my gourd, but I'm still, you know, present and in control of most of my faculties! So I said to the nurse, "Hey, I think I need more drugs!" And she said, "Why?" And I said, "Because I'm still talking to you!" And she said, "Don't worry, you won't remember a thing!" And I distinctly remember thinking, "Oh SHIT. They have no intention of putting me to sleep!!" So, yeah, the doctor took out (sucked out? aspirated??) 10 follicles. And although I was really, really out of it, I felt the needle each and every time. I think I had my eyes closed the whole time, but I kept crying out, and the nurse kept telling me to shush and try to relax. Yeah right! It just seemed in my drug addled brain that it went on and on forever. Round about number 6, I asked if we could take a break, because I didn't think I could stand it. I'm telling you it hurt like a motherfucker. I heard Dr. G say, "Just hold on K, we're almost there, we're almost there..." Dear GOD.

So, ANYWAY, after all that, I was helped into a wheelchair, and then they took me back to an exam room. They had me lie there for about 40 minutes while the drugs wore off, and I think I slept most of that time. They made me drink some juice, I think, too. Then, when the nurse finally came in to do the actual insemination it took all of about 45 seconds, and I said, "That's IT?" I kept waiting for it to hurt! She was in and out before I even knew what was happening!

Dr. G came in a little while later, and the first thing he asked me was if I remembered anything from the procedure? I looked at him a little incredulously and said, "Um, yes. I remember that it was painful!!!" He sort of laughed conspiratorially and then told me that he had taken out 10 follicles, and left 3. He said that he could tell I was probably going to experience some mild hyperstimulation symptoms. He said my ovaries were very enlarged, but not to the point that he was overly concerned. However, he said that they might get larger over the next two weeks. He also said that if I do end up getting pregnant this cycle, the OHS symptoms will worsen for several weeks before they get better! Conversely, if I don't get pregnant, the symptoms should dissipate pretty quickly. Bummer, huh? Whatever, I'll endure any amount of pain if it brings me closer to bringing home a baby!

So, indeed, the OHS symptoms have worsened since Sunday. This morning I could literally barely walk when I got out of bed. It hurts if I let my bladder get full, and it hurts worse when I sit down to pee (it also hurts me to write that word: pee. My mother taught me that was a vulgar word, and we've always used the euphemism 'tinkle'. However, that seemed a trifle silly, having dropped the F bomb just a couple paragraphs up...) After I empty my bladder there is much relief, but actually emptying it is a Herculean feat. I'm the world's WORST baby when it comes to pain, so I've taken to moaning as I hobble around. I thought I was alone in the bathroom at work yesterday, and indulged myself in some oohs and aahs of pain before settling down and peeing, already. Too late, I realized there was another occupant in the far stall. I can scarcely imagine what she thought I was doing in there. But, I drew up my feet under me lest I should be identified by my shoes, and waited until she left before exiting. HA!

So, I've decided my strategy for enduring the 2WW will be to pee on a stick early and often, so that I will know when the HCG trigger shot is out of my system, and hence I will not be led into false exhilaration at a fake-me-out positive HPT. I tested on Sunday after I got home from the IUI, and of course, got a line. Not a dark one though, which surprised me. I tested again today and didn't get a line. So, I wonder if that means that detectable levels of HCG are out of my system?? It seems rather early - don't they usually say that the trigger stays in your system for 6-10 days? I took it on Friday, so it's only been 4 days? No matter. No amount of self-talk will prevent me from peeing on sticks at every imaginable opportunity. So, I'll do it again tomorrow and see what I get - maybe today was a fluke, and the trigger will turn tomorrow's test positive, you never know. And yes, now that you ask - HPTs DO grow on trees! Why, I have a lovely First Response tree just outside my kitchen window....