Never ending IUI....or move on??

So I neglected to post after my monitoring appointment this past Monday, because, well, there just wasn't anything to report. Same story, different monitoring appointment: plenty of follicles, but no growth happening yet. I went for another appointment this morning, and got the same exact news.

But then, my RE said something that at first really sent my spirits plummeting, but over the last hour has really caused me to rethink the course we're on right now. Here's an exerpt from our delightful mid-wanding, over-the-stirrups conversation:

RE: "Well K, have you been talking to your ovaries, asking them to get on board with what we're trying to do here?"

Me: "Yes, I've been giving them nightly pep talks, but they are so stubborn!"

RE: "Yeah, well, as you can see there's still not a whole lot going on in here {wand, wand, wand}..."

Me: "Yeah, as usual."

RE: "You know K, you would be a perfect patient for a new IVF-type procedure that we're working on introducing later this year. It's called IV*M - in vitro ma*turation. Basically we extract immature eggs and then mature them in vitro, then fertilize them, then transfer them back to your uterus. I mean, here you are, absolutely loaded up with follicles, but obviously it's proving difficult to get them to grow. We could extract plenty of immature eggs from you, no problem.....I don't want anyone in this practice to be a "guinea pig" though, so we're waiting until later in the year when there will be more data available - if the data shows above average success rates, we'll start offering IVM here. You'd be a perfect candidate."

Me: {slightly bug-eyed} "Soooo, are you saying that IUI is not going to work for me? Are you canceling this cycle?"

RE: "No, no, we're going to keep trying here for a while longer. But if we cant get you to ovulate, I just wanted you to know that IVM would be a possible option for you."

Me: "Uh? OK? Um...thanks?"

RE: "Haveaniceweekendwe'llcallyouthisafternoon......." on his way out the door....

So, at first I was crestfallen. All the hope I had been holding that it was only a matter of time, that at some magic future wanding session the RE and I would be high fiving over a sonogram screen showing 2 or 3 huge mature follies....all of those feelings departed suddenly like air out of a popped balloon. All of a sudden that nasty dark voice in the back of my head reappeared with it's familiar refrain: "did you REALLY think this was going to work? you idiot! you're not going to have any children! why do you persist with this pathetic hope of yours? it's futile!! futile!! you aren't good enough! you don't deserve this! give up now!"

I walked out of the office in a fog, trying in vain to shut down the nasty voice. I had a good cry in the car before getting on the road to head to work, repaired my makeup, then called R to tell him the latest development. And as I was relaying the RE's words to R....I suddenly thought - well, this really only applies to the protocol for trying to make my ovaries produce one or two eggs at a time - for IUI, right? If we were to move on to IVF, they could blast my fucking stubborn-ass ovaries with obscene amounts of FSH, and they'd be overcome - they'd HAVE to fucking do their jobs and produce eggs, right? And that would be a good thing, bc with IVF the more the merrier.

So, I said to R that I wondered if we should abandon this IUI cycle and make the decision to--da-da-dunh - move on to the mother of all infertility treatments - IVF? It is one hundred percent a financial question for us, you see. Looooong ago when my OB/GYN diagnosed me with PCOS, he told us that our best bet, most sure fire, quickest way to pregnancy was going to be IVF. He said, if you can afford it, you should do it right away. Money definitely BEING an object, we decided we'd try everything and anything before moving to IVF....

Well, my current insurance covers $10K of IF treatment - specifically for IUI and/or IVF. We haven't used any of that $ yet, bc we've yet to make it to the actual insemination part of any medicated cycle.

The question I think I will have to ponder this weekend is this: Should we move straight to IVF? Cancel this IUI before we have to waste any money on it? And if we say yes to that question, then the next question that follows is whether we should sign up for one cycle of IVF, which would probably run around $6K, right? OR, go whole hog and shell out for shared risk - which I think at my clinic is $24K, making our out-of-pocket around $14K?

Lay it on me y'all, what do you think????

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Update: The RE's office just called with my instructions, and well, golly, what a surprise! They want me to stay on the SAME dose, for yet another 4 days. And then come back in for another blasted wanding session on Tuesday morning. So that they can tell me the EXACT same thing. And then call me on Tuesday afternoon, and tell me yet again to stay on the SAME dose, and come back again on Saturday morning. Whereupon they'll say the SAME thing and tell me to stay on the SAME dose and come back again on Wednesday, etc. etc. ad infinitum, ad nauseum.....Groundhog Day, anyone? I feel like screaming BLOODY MURDER, people, I'm losing all of my positive thoughts, and all I can see is this never ending, perpetual headache-causing, pain-in-the-ass cycle stretching out for weeks and weeks on end in front of me. AAAAAHHHHHH! Stupid, stupid, stupid fucking lazy-ass ovaries!

K