Finally, an outlet!

Finally an outlet for this insatiable need that I have to talk, think, eat, breathe, sleep, and dream about our never-ending quest to have a baby! I'm so glad I started this blog tonight, and you know what? I think this will be soooo helpful and therapeutic for me even if not one single soul reads it but me!

So, here's a somewhat short version of our TTC history: we've been trying for a total of 2 years and 5 months now. I have PCOS, and to my knowledge, have not ovulated in over 2 years. My husband is a total stud and has super sperm. We've done 4 rounds of Clomid in total, 3 with my OB/GYN, and the last one with my RE. In all cases, the Clomid had absolutely zippo effect on my stubborn ovaries. The last round of Clomid we did with my RE back in September of last year ('06) was supposed to be our first IUI cycle, but it was canceled due to my lack of response to the Clomid. Then, in November, I had gall bladder surgery, and spent most of December recovering from that. So, we started afresh in January, and I begged my RE to let us 'graduate' to injectible medication. Please, for the love of God, NO MORE CLOMID! He readily consented, and so here I am, on CD 8, having just taken my 7th injection of Bravelle.

Hurray for injections! Who on earth would ever have thought that I'd be so delighted to receive a box of needles and medicine in the mail last week? You would have thought it was Christmas morning, the way I danced around. Hurray! I get to inject myself on a daily basis! Alriiiight, let the party begin!!

I'm THRILLED to be taking action, I guess that's the main thing. I feel like we've been treading water for so long, always having setback and postponement after postponement. In 2 and a half years I've only been through 5 medicated cycles in all - because all along the way, I'd have to stop because the lining of my uterus was too thick, or because my polycystic ovaries needed a break, or for myriad other reasons. The worst is being put on BCPs for a couple of months to rest my ovaries.....there is just something about taking BCPs when you've been desperately trying to conceive for what feels like centuries, that makes you want to fling yourself into traffic at the next opportunity. Ugh!!

I always explain to my DH that for me, instant-gratification-girl that I am, the hurry-up-and-wait factor of infertility treatment is truly torture. You know, if you were being treated for any other sort of condition or ailment, your doctor would prescribe a drug or a treatment, you'd zip over to the pharmacy on your way home from her office, you'd take said drug, and immediately you'd know whether that drug had the desired effect. If it worked, fabulous - whichever ailing body part in question would be back in business. If not, back to the doctor the next day, or the day after, and she'd prescribe something else. Zip to the pharmacy again, give it a whirl, back to the doctor soon after if the condition persists. By the end of two weeks, you'd have gone through 10 drugs, if necessary, but you'd likely have come out of it with a winner. You'd at least know what the course of treatment would be, and you'd likely be all patched up within a month at the latest. But, in the lovely world of infertility, it seems everything happens in monthly increments. Try a treatment in January...if it doesn't work, well, you've got to sit and marinate in those discouraging thoughts until February (if you're lucky), which is your next available opportunity to go back to the good old drawing board to try something else. It's slow torture, I tell you! Meanwhile, and I know my fellow infertile myrtle sistahs can relate to this, every single stinking friend I've ever had since kindergarten is either pregnant or has just given birth. Everywhere I look, babies and pregnant bellies abound. Aaaahhh!! Calgon, take me away!

Anyway, on this, my first IUI cycle, I took 5 injections of Bravelle and went for monitoring yesterday (Saturday, 2/17) morning at the crack of dawn. Never have I been so eager to jump out of bed on a Saturday morning. During the oh-so-popular wanding session, my RE says, "Weeeelll, look at all of those eggs in there!" Me, "REALLY????" Mind you, in 2 years I've never produced so much as ONE egg, so this is miraculous, as far as I'm concerned. My RE, "Yes, but we can't possibly let all of these mature....you'd end up with...." Me, chiming in, "A litter?" My RE, "Yes, exactly. That's EXACTLY what we don't want. So, we'll need to continue to be extremely careful with you, and keep you on a really low dose of Bravelle for the next few days..." Meanwhile, I can't stop smiling because he said there were EGGS in there! For the first time! Ever! The only thing I've ever seen on those confounded sonogram pictures are the damned cysts that grow on my uncooperative ovaries each month. So, EGGS! Hurray! Go ovaries, go! 2-4-6-8, who do I appreciate? My ovaries, my ovaries, GO OVARIES!

4 more nightly injections of Bravelle, and then another date with the ultra sound wand early on Wednesday morning. I'm crossing all fingers and toes that things have progressed and we'll be able to schedule the IUI at that point. The suspense is killing me here, people. Although, I suspect the 2WW will be loads worse. I've never actually been in the 2WW before, (thank you damned un-functioning ovaries), so it will be a new kind of torture for me, I'm sure. Stay tuned, if you dare!!!!! (and thanks, dear reader, if you have made it through this ridiculously loooooong post...)

K